Life of a Teacher

          I do not know since when I had the dream of becoming a teacher. But as far as I remember it has been since I could actually think. I never had any other ambition in life than to become a school teacher( I know people might find it pretty stupid...How much money you think you would make?) I wanted to be a teacher of my own school since they inspired to me always. I used to eat, drink and breathe dis ambition. 
          I followed this dream of mine very diligently and pursued it finally. It has taken an immense amount of patience and hard work as the path was not easy( though it is the 'easiest' job with loads of holidays). There was a time when I had to explain to people why I took up humanities despite having good marks. ( People with good marks must take up science). Next I had to explain why I took up history as there is no future that my well-wishers could foresee and I should have definitely taken up English since it would have secured my future. I began with lots of explanations trying to prove the importance of knowing history and its relevance to the modern world but to my utter dismay I found myself talking to people who are not really conscious of their surroundings. From the next time whenever I came across such questions my blatant reply would be..."I could only get through history as I am not good at anything else and for history you do not need brains." Then I had to explain to people why i did not take up research and join a college(since it is a cakewalk). Teaching in a school can lead me nowhere in life.
      It has been quite a few months since I have joined my own school as a teacher. I learn everyday, I commit mistakes and I learn from them. I learn from my students who have so many things to teach me starting from new scientific discoveries to playing red-hand. At times I have a bad day, I get irritated but the moment I enter my classroom my temperament changes. That is what we have been taught in our B.Ed classes. I call my students my children and I feel that I am responsible for their well-being. It is this responsibility which people undermine. They do not recognize the immense pressure that a teacher goes through. But then, I am not here to teach the world.
         I have just began my career and I have a very long way to go. When my children from the previous classes come and tell me that they miss me and my teaching, they meet me at the corridor just to smile at me, it is then I feel that I am on the right track and this is what I want from life.

Playhouse

As I have already stated in my last post that nowadays I’m very much into rabindrasangeet. A few days back I downloaded the song “Khelaghar bandhte legechi”.  Now, I downloaded it obviously because I like it. And I’m listening to it everyday sometimes may be four to five times a day. Every time I listen to it I get mesmerized by the lyrics. Now, for me it is the lyrics of a song which first strikes a chord in my heart.  There is another reason why I like Rabindrasangeet. As it is I’ve always been moved by Tagore’s writings. They definitely leave a profound impact on the mind.

    I personally feel that Tagore has always portrayed feelings with a magical wand. Everyone who has read Tagore would definitely agree that he gave words to feelings very common to us but extremely difficult to express. Now the same thing goes for his songs. They make you think as sometimes you instantly connect with a particular song or maybe a single line and think that it has been actually written for you.

              This particular song I’m talking about is unique in its own way but actually it speaks of something very common. ‘Khelaghar’ or a playhouse is something very dear to everybody’s heart. We all build up khelaghar in our minds. And as we know it, mind travels faster than time.  Each one of us loves  to daydream and many of us do not do that consciously. It just happens because at the end of the day we all dream of happiness, success, love.  But that particular ‘khelaghar’ is very personal. Nobody wants to share it with anybody. We all have a nascent inner self which sometimes wakes up to let us now things we actually love but try to run away from in our everyday life.

       In five minutes time one can view and review one’s future self, something that each one of us actually do. We love to think about our future not in terms of the adversaries which are to be faced, but in terms of happiness which is due.  This song made me feel that since we are leading such a fast life, we should actually try to give a little more time to ourselves to find our very own self which is getting lost and most of us do not even know ourselves properly. We should give some time to build up our own ‘khelaghar’ because very few things in life are priceless.

     So, the song “Khelaghar bandhte legechi, amar moner bhitore…..” will live on to help people drem.

You've gotta be Yourself

              Since last few weeks I'm much more into Rabindrasangeet than I was ever before. Well, that does not mean I'm listening to it all the time, actually I'm hardly doing so to tell the truth. But yes, I am listening to a few songs again and again. Now, as I proclaim frankly, I'm not at all a music-lover in the true sense of the term. I love music in my own way. Does loving something means you have to follow the path which other people do to profess their love? No, I'm staunchly against that. 

                 Music for me is something to tune into when I want to listen to it, not a stress-buster. Actually I have never tried to use it in that sense. When I'm stressed out, I just sit like that doing nothing or maybe pacing up and down the room or follow the dictum "walk when you talk". I used to take lessons in music since my early childhood, 4yrs I think but never found any interest in practicing so obviously it could not take me anywhere. I went there just to listen to my teacher's mesmerizing voice and to talk to my fellow companions.Then as time would have it, I stopped taking lessons because my parents found it useless and it was really so. But, my mother always did try to coax me into pursuing it again as she badly wanted her daughter to sing. Alas, I being the adamant daughter always wanted to do things I found interesting which to tell the truth meant doing nothing.

                     Gradually as I grew up, I found some songs touching a different note in my heart and I started listening to them again and again. Now, this is exactly what I do when I like a particular song. I listen to it for quite a few days over and over again, get bored an then forget it. After few days or maybe months, I am suddenly remembered of that song or maybe a particular line which goes with my the then situation and I again get back to it.

                   This is how I am and this is how I show my love for music. Sometimes it is just sound to me and sometimes I spend a whole day humming a particular tune or scribbling a particular line from a song that rules my heart at that time. I sometimes used to feel that maybe I'm not worthy enough to get the title of music-lover but then it occurred to me that there is no harm in showing love in your own way since as history goes, love has never followed a common path. It has always been unique in its own way. Being yourself is always not that bad, right?

Be Happy...

      Days go by and I find myself becoming more and more vulnerable. I have become a troubled soul, someone who is afraid of every single thing in life especially happiness. Whenever I'm happy, instead of cherishing the moment I become perturbed and try to cling onto it as long as possible before it goes away. I'm always worried that happiness will not last long but then nothing lasts long. Everything in this world is momentary and everchanging. And I know all these very well since they have been a part of our general education since birth.

               But in recent times I have changed. I have lost the confidence to face the reality, lost the will power to do something new. A different kind of nervousness, fear grasp me whenever I try to undertake any new project. If something goes wrong, may be a little quarrel with a friend, I lose my mental stability until and unless everything comes back to the normal position. And even if it does I don't feel that, always it seems to me that the crack is very much there but most of the time I'm wrong. 

                 I just hope I become strong again, and enjoy the life as it comes instead of being afraid of it. Life is full of colours and it comes only once so it is better i buck up, shed my fears, inhibitions and get ready to take on life and enjoy.

The bliss of solitude....

It has been ages since I've stopped living for and with myself. But I have not done that consciously. As far as I remember I've always loved being with myself. No, I'm not creative or talented enough to utilize my solitude and create any sort of masterpiece but I always liked to while away my time doing nothing or rather talking to myself and earn epithets like 'mad' and 'psycho'. School had always provided me the time to be with myself. I had loads of friends but their influence neither changed my inner self nor did it make me very outgoing.
Then a massive change came in life. School was over and it was time to step into the outer world. I joined college. And yes, I found myself changing. I started enjoying my college life, I stated laughing out loud and most importantly I started talking all the time with people around me and not with myself. It made me feel that may be I've always had this 'me' inside sleeping peacefully and never provoked to wake up. Things again took a very different turn as I fell in love. It made me feel ecstatic, special and happy in a very different way but I again started losing myself and this time my 'new self'. I found myself succumbing to the pressure of actually nothing. I changed and stopped laughing and my solitude was not ready to take me back in her arms. Life started to seem very difficult though in reality it was not. Every situation was tough to handle as I did not know how to keep everybody satisfied and most importantly how to keep my own self happy.
Now, since college is predictably almost over and I'm again standing on a threshold of life I want to find my own self. I want to be happy, laugh out loud and also enjoy being with myself. It'll be stupid to let go of any of these things as each of them has a 'me' in it. I'm made up of all these and I want to treasure my varied traits. After penning down my inner contradictions, I'm feeling extremely relaxed and happy. Yes, I'm happy with my life and everything that I have. And I really want to thank all the wonderful people who have made my life so very colourful...

Life is a boon....

Recent times have witnessed quite a few cases of suicide mostly by children of the age group of 10-18 years. There are varied reasons of course but the most common is due to facing some kind of punishment. Whenever they are punished may be at school or even at home they can't take the humiliation and follow the easier way out. They end their lives.

Having self-respect is always commendable but their's are not shaped properly. They can't understand the difference between humiliation and their own good. But being exposed to the world of television and internet their personality have developed very differently. They don't understand the distinction between themselves and a grown-up. And this is definitely not their fault. Today's lifestyle have breached the gap between a grown-up and a child. That is why they react if their mistakes are pointed out. I'm not talking in favour of corporal punishments in school. They should be banned because sometimes as we have seen in many cases instead of punishing and rectifying their mistakes children are tortured brutally. But on the other hand children should be taught to understand their mistakes. They should understand that their formative years should be guided by a specialist in the field.

In school a teacher should always be the person a student would look up to. I'm not talking about exceptional cases but generally a teacher is there to guide the students. If a teacher punishes someone that is always for his own good. But if the student takes this as a humiliation and goes home to commit suicide then there is no point in rectifying somebody's faults. If this goes on, teachers will overlook the mistakes of a student and this will happen out of fear. Ultimately this would lead to serious consequences when the person grows up.

If a student then goes astray the school would be held responsible for not teaching the students the ethical values. Then what would the teachers or the parents do? There should be a way out of this. Children should be taught to be restrained. They should understand their own good. This can be done in various ways. Firstly they should be taught that teachers and parents as well as all elders are more experienced than they are and they know perfectly what is good for the children. If someone scolds them then there must be a reason for it. A respect for elders should be imbibed in them. They should also understand how important life is and one single failure or humiliation is not even worth a reason to end it. Children should become strong at heart because if they can't take these little challenges it would become impossible for them to lead a whole life where problems never take a backseat.

Lastly they should be given time and their problems should be given importance. Loneliness is the root for all these problems. They should understand that until and unless one falters, one can never succeed. These little faltering steps would ultimately lead them to their dreams and the first steps are always very difficult. If they learn to move on with these petty difficulties the challenges of the big outer world would become easy to handle.

A Thought...

Now the Kolkata Metro can boast of a few air-conditioned rakes. Few days back I was fortunate enough to board one. It is really good and the first thing that comes to the mind is that "Oh my God, is it really Kolkata?!!" It is not surprising to feel like this if one compares Kolkata with the other metropolitan cities. After that day I've boarded it nearly four times but still I can't get out of that thrill.

All these four times as soon as I got down from the train I texted all my close friends. And we just can't stop talking about this. But my two and a half year old niece did not find it thrilling at all though she can't express properly. What I could make out from her expression is that "What is there to be so much thrilled and surprised? It is just a normal air-conditioned train like an air-conditioned room." Air-conditions are no more a luxury. Every single house has atleast one. Things have changed a lot over the years. Things of luxury have become things of necessity. Nowadays children don't even waste a thought over things which used to awe us as children.

Accumulation of wealth in the hands of certain sectors have definitely led to this. Even today if we board an air-conditioned train we text people to share our enjoyment. Children may be just 8-9 years younger than us are so drastically different. I somehow can't relate our childhood with them. Few days back while I was helping the same niece of mine with her meal I tried to tell her a story about fairies. But she was not at all interested. Instead she was interested in the television. I gifted a storybook to my brother who is 9years of age but my aunt told me that he is not interested in reading. I can see that they lack imagination. Whenever they are told to write a simple essay for example on a cat, they seek the help of the essay books. This is very alarming.

These children pick up things very fast. They know how to use nearly all the electronic gadgets but they don't have the childhood fantasies. If someone does not know the age it has become difficult nowadays to distinguish between a child and a grown-up because children don't behave the way they should. They have not learnt to compromise, they get everything they demand, they are not brought up the way they should. Fast lifestyle is taking its toll mostly on the children. Parents can't give them time and they try to fill that void by succumbing to their demands.

I think it is high time we should stop and think whether this is the right way to bring up our future generation. Should'nt we follow the dictum "everything has a time" and act accordingly. Getting everything much before before time will actually harm our society' our lives' our children in the long run..