It has been ages since I've stopped living for and with myself. But I have not done that consciously. As far as I remember I've always loved being with myself. No, I'm not creative or talented enough to utilize my solitude and create any sort of masterpiece but I always liked to while away my time doing nothing or rather talking to myself and earn epithets like 'mad' and 'psycho'. School had always provided me the time to be with myself. I had loads of friends but their influence neither changed my inner self nor did it make me very outgoing.
Then a massive change came in life. School was over and it was time to step into the outer world. I joined college. And yes, I found myself changing. I started enjoying my college life, I stated laughing out loud and most importantly I started talking all the time with people around me and not with myself. It made me feel that may be I've always had this 'me' inside sleeping peacefully and never provoked to wake up. Things again took a very different turn as I fell in love. It made me feel ecstatic, special and happy in a very different way but I again started losing myself and this time my 'new self'. I found myself succumbing to the pressure of actually nothing. I changed and stopped laughing and my solitude was not ready to take me back in her arms. Life started to seem very difficult though in reality it was not. Every situation was tough to handle as I did not know how to keep everybody satisfied and most importantly how to keep my own self happy.
Now, since college is predictably almost over and I'm again standing on a threshold of life I want to find my own self. I want to be happy, laugh out loud and also enjoy being with myself. It'll be stupid to let go of any of these things as each of them has a 'me' in it. I'm made up of all these and I want to treasure my varied traits. After penning down my inner contradictions, I'm feeling extremely relaxed and happy. Yes, I'm happy with my life and everything that I have. And I really want to thank all the wonderful people who have made my life so very colourful...
Then a massive change came in life. School was over and it was time to step into the outer world. I joined college. And yes, I found myself changing. I started enjoying my college life, I stated laughing out loud and most importantly I started talking all the time with people around me and not with myself. It made me feel that may be I've always had this 'me' inside sleeping peacefully and never provoked to wake up. Things again took a very different turn as I fell in love. It made me feel ecstatic, special and happy in a very different way but I again started losing myself and this time my 'new self'. I found myself succumbing to the pressure of actually nothing. I changed and stopped laughing and my solitude was not ready to take me back in her arms. Life started to seem very difficult though in reality it was not. Every situation was tough to handle as I did not know how to keep everybody satisfied and most importantly how to keep my own self happy.
Now, since college is predictably almost over and I'm again standing on a threshold of life I want to find my own self. I want to be happy, laugh out loud and also enjoy being with myself. It'll be stupid to let go of any of these things as each of them has a 'me' in it. I'm made up of all these and I want to treasure my varied traits. After penning down my inner contradictions, I'm feeling extremely relaxed and happy. Yes, I'm happy with my life and everything that I have. And I really want to thank all the wonderful people who have made my life so very colourful...
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